Dating for Dummies, Part One

It's been an interesting month. I've gone out on a few dates, set my bedroom on fire and let's see, what else? Oh yeah, met some of the coolest people I've met in a long time.

I decided to start dating again because I've finally grown weary of my solitary life AND because I have recently acquired a bunch of partying girlfriends. In the years since my divorce, I have come to rely on the women in my life more than I ever thought I would. They're the ones who listen when I cry, hold my hand when I don't want to be alone, back my play even when it's folly.

Here are my friends Stacey (in the white shirt beside me) and Karen behind me and Candi next to her.



We had a girls' night out at Stu's that didn't go too badly. First of all, I actually showed up, a rarity in itself. And secondly, I didn't overindulge so I had no regrets. We all gathered at IHOP for breakfast at the end of the evening, including a couple of redneck guys we'd acquired somewhere along the way. Just about the only irritating thing about the breakfast was the way guy #1, (let's call
him Bruto) kept pushing guy #2, (let's call him Stuart) on me. I was sitting right across the table from "Stuart"...I think if I found him attractive I would have picked up on it. Right? That's how dating works, doesn't it? You feel some lightning bolt strike and the next thing you know, the edges of your skin are beginning to feel the heat. Well, my side of the table was as chilly as ever. I felt a little sorry for Stuey.

Naturally, a lot of people will tell you all that stuff about lightning bolts is a bunch of hooey. Instead, you should sit online and take compatibility quizzes from all those singles sites promising to find the mate of your dreams. If you do it right, you'll be walking off into the sunset hand in hand with the afore-mentioned mate of your dreams in three days, guaranteed. I've seen women do it, so I tried that. I'm still getting junk mail from the advertisers of those sites but that's about all.

So I threw myself into the fray, so to speak, simply by finally accepting my friends' invitation to go out that Saturday night. It wasn't any different than any other night I've gone out: I had some fun with my girlfriends, but since I'm not really looking to hook up, I always end up wondering what I went out for in the first place. But it was a decent evening, a nice breakfast and I tucked myself into bed at the end of the night alone, which is exactly what I wanted to do.

The next morning I got an email from Stuart that warned me he'd be asking me out. He wrote that it probably wasn't good form to ask someone for a date via email, so he just wanted to let me know he planned to call on me. It was really kind of sweet and a little old-fashioned charming. And by golly, he did ask me to meet him at Beef O'Brady's.

Well, let me tell you, it was an unfair fight from the beginning: I walked in alone; he brought back-up. There he was at the bar with a bunch of guys from work! And there I was, standing in the doorway like a loon, trying to remember what he looked like. That's when I saw that bunch of guys sitting at the bar, backs to me, watching tv and NOT looking around for me, the lady who was right on time. So I began to wonder if this was the guy after all.

Being fairly inexperienced, I absolutely did not know what to do. This is where a really good restranteur can be a big help. One of the owners led me around to a different door so I could actually see the faces of the guys at the bar, in hopes one of them would at least look vaguely familiar. And she stood right there with me until I decided that yes, that was the guy. Women will do that for each other.

So you tell me: is it a date when the guy makes you walk in alone and he's sitting at the bar, already eating wings with the guys? That should have been clue number one.

He finally turns around, spots me and invites me to join them at the bar. Not my favorite place to get to know someone...bellying up to the bar that way. Kind of hard to make eye contact when you're all sitting in a row facing forward. I sat with them for a short time, but I was already wishing I'd stayed home when the
wingmen suddenly up and leave us alone. I don't know, up to that point, it felt like a date with an audience. Stuart says it wasn't that at all: he claims to have brought them along in case I didn't show up. Either way, I wasn't getting dinner. Men...!

Now see? I've taken so long talking nonsense I didn't even get to the fire story, or the cool new people I met in Riley with my friend Joe. Joe and I used to go to dinner together, but apparently people don't do that on dates anymore. We went to the Riley Legion where I got to see Sue Pence again and meet some really special veterans I'd like to call my friends. But if I'm gonna keep on "dating" I'm going to have to remember to eat something first! Jeez...

So I'll save the rest for my next update. In the meantime, here's another picture from our GIRLS NIGHT OUT at the Main St. bar in Jasonville. THAT was a great time, thank you Jeff! And the Awesome Possum Project! And Randy, the biker dude that took me to the Oodle Inn at Switz City for a most unexpected night time ride. Although I got in trouble for worrying my girlfriends, it was worth it to meet
Season and Shasta, MORE GIRLFRIENDS!

This is me with Rick, of the Awesome Possum Project, and his lovely wife Susan.



Oh, and sharing a couple of pictures from the big event at Casey's General Store in Robinson.



On Saturday, May 20th I got to spend the day in Robinson at Casey's General Store, where they had a fundraiser for the Navy and Marine Welfare League. The Shrine's Krazy Klowns were a very colorful part of the day, which included raising a flag that had been flown over the state capital for this day and a 21-gun salute. I got to take home one of the expelled shells from the salute.



John is one of the managers, but I knew him for years as "Sailor Joe." When he was deployed, he made many a phone call to our request lines from the deck of his ship, just to hear a voice from home.

As always, it's nice talking to you and I hope you'll revisit for silly updates or serious thoughts. I never know what might come up next.

Memorial Day, Mothers and the Military

With Memorial Day looming, it would be remiss of me not to mention my beloved troops, particularly those who gave their lives in service to our country.

One of our message board members asked if there would be a Memorial Day parade this year. I had vague memories of parades past with more veterans marching than people lining the streets, so I was not hopeful that the answer was yes. Sadly, I was correct.

In all the years of this country’s history, men have worn the uniforms of the American military forces with pride and served with honor. I wonder why, with the passage of time and the way life changes, we no longer seem to be as reverent of those who served as we should be…especially those whose very lives were lost in the name of the United States of America and liberty and freedom and justice for ALL.

It could be as simple as this: ordinary citizens just don’t know what it means to serve. Some of them know better now, of course, with our current fight against terrorism, because now it’s YOUR neighbor, or YOUR son or daughter, or YOUR daddy who’s “over there somewhere” dodging bullets and bombs and not always successfully. All of a sudden, “service” has a new meaning.

In the course of my life I have been very outspoken about our troops and very consistent with my support. This did not begin with 9/11, it began the first time my daddy got on a ship and was gone for lengthy deployments; two years away from home was average, I believe. How my mother ever managed to raise five young children with her husband so far away is still a mystery to me. But my respect for her grows by the day and has since the birth of my own child, twenty years ago. I quit at one child because I knew I didn’t have the right stuff. My mother does.

And life really was different on the bases where we lived. We got our groceries at the Commissary, and they cost less than they do in your neighborhood grocery store. We bought our clothes at the PX. For entertainment, we had a skating rink and a movie theatre, and if memory serves, either one cost a quarter a kid, not a bad deal at all on a military salary.

And that base housing! They were gloomy, used-up, painted over duplexes and “dorm” style buildings that somehow my mother would turn into the most beautiful home for us. And this was after the exhaustive job of moving us in to the housing in the first place.

But there was also another difference between living on a Navy base. We took care of our own. When my mother had to take a job to make ends meet, it was another Navy wife who insisted on taking all five of us in after school, though she had five children of her own. I learned how to wolf-whistle from a neighbor boy at the age of ten. We hung out at the playground and we played the same childhood games you probably did, but in our neighborhood, the faces were always changing. If we weren’t moving to another state, our best friends were. We learned to love and let go. And one thing I’ve always found particularly unique: I don’t have a home town. I didn’t grow up in a specific place. When you move every couple of years, there are no roots to grow.

The people I comfort and support today are the families of the men and women who have been deployed from their guard or reserve unit. These families didn’t grow up on bases; they don’t know what it’s like to get along without one, and sometimes more than one, integral member of their family unit. I support my troops, but it’s usually the wives, mothers, sisters, brothers and friends who call to share their stories, their pride and sometimes their fear with me.

As an adult it’s so easy to see how growing up in the military influences how I view others. I am almost reverent to those who wear the uniform, which comes from my deep respect and awe of my amazing father.
And I respect those who stay behind and keep their homes running smoothly because of my mother’s shining example of grace under fire while my father served our country.

This Memorial Day there will be at least two ceremonies in Terre Haute to honor those we have lost. They are scheduled for 9am at Woodlawn Cemetary and 11am Highland Lawn Cemetary.

Memorial Day is not about a three-day weekend. It’s about honoring our fallen heroes. Teach your children about these soldiers. Enjoy your time off, but please remember it began as a day to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in service to you and to me. And if you truly want to show them you appreciate them, be at those memorial services.